The Father

The past month has really been revolutionary for me- not just because I’ve released an album. More than anything, I have found an understanding of the love of the Father. I have a great Dad. To this day, he is one of the dearest people to me. He always loves on me and tells me he loves me. I have been on the receiving end of a father’s love- which is great. I am lucky to have that. But I know part of me that others don’t know. So there are times when I unknowingly set limits on how much I let others love me, like I don’t deserve love to the fullest sometimes.

I thought I understood the love of a Father. Then I had my little boy, Judah. My perspective changed. Now I can see love through fathering eyes. I love Judah unconditionally. There is nothing he could do to make me not love him. When he hurts, I hurt. If he needs something, I want to give it to him. It made the passage in Luke 11:9-14 come alive.

9 “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 11 If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”

To be honest, I had really become tired in practicing my faith. I just felt like I had to work it up. So over time, it was like I was working a job at a factory. I just began phoning it in. I was there but my heart and mind were not.

It even crept into my worship. I have been in the charismatic church for over ten years now. What was once genuine and fresh for me, a real sacrifice, like dancing and shouting, was no longer “working.” It became a formula, a formula of the flesh. I leaned on those things in order to “truly worship.” It got tiring.

One day something changed. I saw myself through the eyes of the Father. My eyes were opened to the fact that when all the physical worship started in my life, it came from a heart of pure worship. The heart was what God was looking at the whole time. What I did ten years ago was completely valid and still is today. But for me, somewhere along the way, the form replaced the prize. Relationship. Good relationships are not forced, they are cultivated.

God is a good God. He wants to give us good gifts—not because we deserve them, but because He loves us.

Sometimes I laugh when I have to discipline Judah. He’ll do something or touch something off limits and I’ll tell him “No.” But after I say it I have to turn my head to keep him from seeing me smile. I really mean what I’m saying, but he’s so cute and he makes me smile. The boy has my heart. My love covers his sin. It’s the same with God. His love covers our sin.

So I told God, “I’m tired. I’m just going to stop working and start asking.” It was amazing I started receiving. I began cultivating, and stopped forcing it. In Luke 13, Jesus teaches us about His kingdom. (The Kingdom of God is His lordship in our lives.)

18 Then He said, “What is the kingdom of God like? And to what shall I compare it? 19 It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and put in his garden; and it grew and became a large tree, and the birds of the air nested in its branches.”

He compares the kingdom to a mustard seed that gets planted. It’s the smallest seed but when planted and cultivated it can become a tree. God in our lives is a seed. It can lie dormant for years and all of a sudden, conditions become right and there is growth. Jesus continues his teaching and tells us later in verse 23:

23 Then one said to Him, “Lord, are there few who are saved?” ?And He said to them, 24 “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able. 25 When once the Master of the house has risen up and shut the door, and you begin to stand outside and knock at the door, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open for us,’ and He will answer and say to you, ‘I do not know you, where you are from,’ 26 then you will begin to say, ‘We ate and drank in Your presence, and You taught in our streets.’ 27 But He will say, ‘I tell you I do not know you, where you are from. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity.’ 28 There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, and yourselves thrust out. 29 They will come from the east and the west, from the north and the south, and sit down in the kingdom of God. 30 And indeed there are last who will be first, and there are first who will be last.”

Strive to enter the narrow gate. I always thought that was the command. I’m no theologian, but what if that’s not what Jesus was saying? What if He was saying, “If you strive, you won’t get in?” He later says that the folks who are trying to get in won’t. At the end of the passage, people come from all over and just walk in and sit down. That brings me back to my prayer. “I’m tired so I’m going stop working.” God has let me in the door. The pressure is off. Knowing the love of the Father has made my relationship with Him much more organic and alive. I’m so grateful for that. I’m writing about my experience because I want to encourage those who are struggling. If you are struggling to grow and know God, then just stop. God is a good God. He wants to give us what we are asking for. Good news, you are closer to entering the kingdom than you think.

Read other journal entries from Jeremy here.

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